[2022-10-05 Wed 15:31]

- my day has a healthy structure now
- circadian ryhtms back on track
	- am waking up again at 530 hrs irrespective of when I sleep
- on a week-long break from working out 
- had accumulated a lot of injuries and inflamation post himalayas
- have finally ascribed a purpose to my pursuit of writing
- I was writing a book this past summer but scrapped it due to
  inevitable circumstances
- realized quite a few things about how to handle this pursuit of
  writing while not sacrificing other aspects of my life
- this time around, I'll be taking this slow ...
- need to conduct some formal interviews as well before I get down
  to publishing the book
- there is no point in putting out your ideas out there formally
if you haven't put in the effort to compare it with
existing works
- blogging is an informal pursuit and credibility doesn't quite
matter but publishing a book will need some more efforts
- as of now, those administrative efforts will simply be a
distraction from my principal career pursuits.
- so, formal writing is on a hold: will continue blogging though.
- will continue improving the necessary skill set and gathering
the network needed to gain the credentials: this is a more passive
pursuit for the coming years though.
- still need to learn quite a lot to complete the book conceptually.
- as of now, writing is a hobby (some might even pose it as a
  distraction): to really achieve what I'd set out to achieve with
  "the experiment", need to learn the virtue of patience and
  timing my efforts
- albeit, sometimes you do have to choose between good and
  better: or worse: something amazing and something amazing.
- life's tough and greed doesn't really help with distributing
  whatever energy and will you possess.
- reading at an accelerated pace and large volumes again and can already observe
  myself being more practical.
- The education system does have holes that you need to tend to
  yourself but there are some things one can't encapsulate
  and present to you in an interpretable manner.
- anyway, I'm enjoying tea again...
	- I shifted to fast food and beverages when I was on the move
	and boy did I take a hit on my sanity.
- you got to learn to say no to stuff that doens't matter in the
long term.
- it's difficult in the moment but risking long term efforts for
short term relaxation and pleasure is never worth it.
- the risk-reward ratio is just too skewed.
- Today also happens to be Dussehra (not fixed in the Gregorian
  calendar) in India: pretty amazing coincidence. 
- I mean what are the odds : my 0x2000th day (I don't know if
  separate hex suffixes exist) falls today and I'm pretty excited
  for the next phase of my life.
- in this decade, looking forward to travelling quite a
  lot and interviewing interesting people.
- The most formative times of my life lie ahead : a lot of people do
  implicitly give up on their self-education this time around due
  to whatever reasons but learning for the sake of itself is
  something that I enjoy and keeps me sane when times get tough.
- blogging is an insurance against the urge to give up on learning
  and continue reading.
- the sheer inertia of writing daily should allow me to continue learning.
- I really don't have a long term plan for where I could finally
  end up doing
  - I mean I do like where AI is going and am interested in math
    and computers and do actually find engineering to be a
    rewarding activity...
  - but there's always this meta-physical pursuit that I'll keep
    nurturing via this blog.
- Science is good and all : it does generate knowledge and
  highlights the order in things that are superficially chaotic
  but intrinsically guided by intricate models.
- I'm more of an observations kind of guy though: striking balance
  between intuition and peer-reviewed knowledge to adapt whatever
  you know to what the current situation demands is what I believe
  expertise is made of.
  - now, domains these days are pretty volatile and being tagged
    as an expert doesn't really ring a bell with me.
  - they're all really just good epistemological explorers who
    acquire skills while traversing various intellectual domains
    is what I think...
- How most humans live today will not be of any significance
  100 years later but we still choose to behave in certain
  ways, collaborate and continue following some routines that we
  never question
- I personally have given enough thought to why I do what I do and
  now I'm really getting started with acting instead of thinking.
- ofcourse there'll be times where I'll to consolidate some
  situations but philosophically speaking, I'm pretty resistant to
  metaphysical questions now.
- I'll take that deal at 22: I did deliberately start inducing an existential
  crisis around a year ago and I've found a lot of answers.
  - some are satisfactory and some not so much...
- sometimes it did not seem worth it but choosing pseudo-blissful
  ignorance over reality is not really my thing.
- now, I do have descent control over my thoughts and can actually
  work towards something productive without having to lie about
  several things.
- Everyone does have a set of dogmas they associate with their
identity but, over the past 6 months of so, I do feel I've
dissected a lot of my own and have accumulated enough
epistemological experience to either defend what I believe in
(metaphysics, exploration, documentation, collaboration and
rhetorical battles) and not fall prey to causes that are not
really your own to begin with.
- I do believe in working hard, I enjoy the results and
satisfaction later on.
  - but even before you begin, you need to have a personal code
    about boundaries you won't cross.
  - it may make the game slightly unfair towards you in the short
  - but I've observed that deceit doesn't stand strong in the long run
  - better be competent than blindly wishing for something others
    have worked hard towards
- anyway, I'm over the rebellious phase of my life (it's necessary
  if you're on a meta-physical journey) and learned that selective
  ignorance is necessary to really achieve your long term goals.
- complete ignorance is foolish and not bliss : I hate that adage.
	- any equipped philosopher could shatter your perception to pieces and
      you'll regret turning a blind eye when should've have
      interrogated yourself a little.
- even though I'm still bound to the law of whatever land I walk
  on, there's a different kind of freedom you experience once you
  deliberately choose to induce an existential crises.
- the price is definitely high and most might not even survive it
  given they don't have the right people around them to handle it
  but you do realize by the end of it that, at some point, you
  have been socially engineered into believing certain stuff that
  is not what it actually seems: you'll be free of societal
  illusions and facades - it's a reward worth much more than the
  price is what I can assure: the risk is yours and not mine to
  assess though.